It is most difficult not to backbite. Still, the more you try, the more you help me. It is very easy to say that she is bad. But when one is bad, then to feel she is not bad is most difficult!
… Even if just one of you does it, I shall be happy. Criticism is in everyone’s blood, and it is real self-control not to indulge in it. Suppose you are having three slices of bread and butter and Nadia takes one slice and eats it. What would you say? You would think her mean. But if you offer her another slice sincerely and say she is nice, that is something great and uplifting. [LM*, p2589]
Innocent and fair criticism does not hurt and is good, but it is quite rare. What I mean by talking ill of others is when you criticize and it hurts; it hurts when you criticize excitedly, out of anger. When you criticize with love and kindness, how can it hurt? Any remark or criticism that does not hurt is good. Have fun, joke, but do not hurt anyone and talk back. If you point out the shortcomings of others lovingly, without any feeling of hate or animosity, it is all right. Even arguing with love is permitted. … To control is not to do that which you have been used to doing.[LM, p2594]
*LM: Lord Meher (lordmeher.org)
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There is no question of compromise in spirituality. Every desire is to be extirpated one hundred percent. It is either “Yes” or “No!”. [LM, p2594]